The blessing my husband is

We don't have kids yet and we probably won't for awhile, but as I was driving to work today I realized how blessed I am by my husband and how great an example to our future children he will be. I started thinking thing the beginning or our relationship. He went out of his way for me when he didn't have to. He hs cared for me deeply and genuinely from the day we met. He never tried to "make a move" on me, he didn't kiss me until we had been together(unofficially) for about a month, he drove me, he provided for me before we had a serious commitment. But the thing that stuck out the most to me in those early days was that he didn't act like any other guy I've dated. He was gentle and sweet, caring and respectful.
There's one event that has always stuck out to me. We were hanging out at his house with 2 of his friends, it was getting late and I wasn't feeling the best. He told me to just go upstairs and crash in his room - he didn't want me driving so late when I lived 30 minutes away and he was in the middle of a game with his buddies who were staying the night So I listened. I remember being concerned that his parents would be upset, but I was really too tired to drive and Anthony had other guests. I went upstairs and fell asleep. Sometime in the middle of the night I woke up feeling like someone was in the room and it freaked me out. I started to look around, the door was cracked letting in a little light and there, on the floor in front of the door was Anthony - fast asleep. I think I realized then that he loves me. It blew my mind that he would sleep on the floor - every other guy I've dated would've climbed into bed. I remember thinking that he was sleeping on the floor in front of the door to protect me -not only my reputation and integrity, but also because I didn't know the guys staying over very well.
That's the kind of man I want our sons to grow up to be - respectful, caring, God honoring, protecting, and serving men - men who choose to do the right thing even if it would be just as easy or easier t do the wrong.  That is the wrong. That is the type of man I want our daughters to marry. I am so blessed that he is going to be ge example for our children if and when we have them.

Thank you Sweetheart for always loving, respecting, caring, protecting and providing for me, for us, for our family!

Headaches & Living Water

     Tonight when we went to one of our small groups, I knew the topic we would be discussing (relationships), but I didn't think that one of the more impactful things would be my simple and utterly ridiculous prayer request. On the surface, the prayer request that my headaches are really bad again and that I would be more disciplined in taking the steps I need in order to not have them might seem a little vague and might make you think that there is something more going on with my head than there really is. But there's not. All I need to do in order to keep my headaches away is remember to take my multi-vitamin/iron vitamin and drink water. This is all - and yet I constantly and consistently don't do it. I know EXACTLY what I need to make the headaches bearable or even non-existent. Yet I don't do it. And I couldn't help but think of how many of us are like this when it comes to hearing the gospel, confessing our sin and proclaiming Jesus Christ as Lord.
     Through the trials in my life, there was always one person, if not more, telling me about Jesus and how He can transform my life. How, if I would only admit my need for Him and surrender all to Him, that I would be able to face this life with hope and confidence. And it wasn't just words. I had testimonies of Christians of where they were headed in their life and how horrendous it was before they became a Christian and how graciously and mercifully God had completely transformed their lives. How they went from suicidal thoughts or drugs or violence or depression or...or...or... to joyfulness and hope. They could face the world with a new kind of confidence.
     God was working on me and softening my heart, yet I continued to say "No, just because He did that for you, doesn't mean He'll do that for me", "no thank you", "what's good for you isn't good for me" and a myriad of other excuses in my failed attempts to keep God from getting into my heart. But He was already there, all I had to do was step up and drink the water.  Just as I constantly don't drink water to cure my headaches even though I know it's the only thing that will work, I was refusing the cup of living water that Christ faithfully and continually offered to me. I was facing life in despair with barely anything - and I knew that Christ was the answer, but I continued to push away.
     In John 4:7-15, Jesus talks about living water. The water that will lead to eternal life. This is the gospel. This is repentance. This is a life lived out in faith. I finally stepped up and drank the water. Just as I know that water will ease my headaches, I knew all along that the water Jesus offers me would lead to a life of purpose, fulfillment, joy, contentment, hope and so much more.

And all it takes is living water.

On my mind.

(*This probably didn't come out exactly as I planned; my apologies.)     I've been meaning to write this post for awhile now and since bunny is ignoring me, I should take advantage of that. I recently had a conversation with a person who told me that it doesn't matter what is said or done, because (s)he's a Christian and is going to Heaven regardless. It broke my heart. On the one hand, yes it is true. If you are covered in the blood of Christ, meaning if you have acknowledged your wretchedness and Jesus' holiness and your need for a Savior and have repented of your sins and put your faith in Christ and His sacrifice on the cross for you - then yes, you are going to Heaven regardless of what you do becuase of the radical grace, love and mercy God has shown you. Ephesians 2:8-10 states " For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." There is nothing you or I or anyone else to can do to earn salvation and we can't lose it either. We do not serve a fickle God. He is constant; steadfast; unchanging. (Malachi 3:6 "For I, the Lord, do not change...; Hebrews 13:8 " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.")
     However, we are called to be holy; to be set apart. We are called to be imitators of Christ. Jesus has given us this beautiful, priceless gift for FREE, so shouldn't we respond in a way that shows our appreciation for that? He has granted us eternal life, shouldn't we at least try to obey what He wants out of a deep love and respect of what He did for our wretchedness? We so despereately deserve Hell, yet He died for us to give us Heaven. Shouldn't there be a seperation from the world, after all - Jesus was not of the world and since His life covers ours then we have been graciously given the same thing. So shouldn't our lives reflect Heaven?  In Matthew 7:16-20, Jesus says " You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits."
    What we do matters. It doesn't matter in regards to us getting into Heaven, but it matters as our witness for Christ to non-believers. How are we supposed to shine light on the world if we're acting in the darkness? How do we show others Christ's love when we're gossiping or slandering or betraying or belittling or or or....? Shouldn't we be different? Shouldn't our lives reflect Christ? Shouldn't they? The radical grace God has given to us as a free gift should not be taken advantage of to sin or be viewed as something we need to work to keep or repay out of feeling guilty. He gave us a radical gift of grace so that we could live FOR Him. How are we living FOR Him if we're going against what He wants for us?
    The default mode of our hearts is self-righteousness. The gospel says that we're free in Christ because of what HE did and not anythign that we did. The gospel is Jesus on the cross - Jesus on the cross for my sins; for your sins - so that I may have a right relationship with God. It's not Jesus + all of the things I do to look good. It's Jesus. It's Jesus alone. The fact that I did nothing should shape how I feel about Jesus. He paid it ALL. I should show Him respect and do my best to obey Him and not purposely do or say something that would show Christ in a negative light. If I am purposely doing something to hurt another person because I'm upset with them; that is NOT Christ in me, but sin in me.
    I'm not saying that we HAVE to follow His commands because He died for us. This is not a works righteousness religion. There's a balance between legalism and antinomianism. (Legalism: excessive adherance to the law; Dependence on moral law rather than on personal faith; doing everything to the letter of the law to earn your place. Antinomianism: the flagrant disregard for God's commands.) We follow God's commands because we LOVE Him; just as I do my best to keep the house clean because I love my husband and it makes him happy. We should rest in God's grace, but not take advantage of it.
 The radical grace God has given to us as a free gift should not be taken advantage of to sin or be viewed as something we need to work to keep or repay out of feeling guilty.



(i didn't proof read this. sorry)

Healing

     Last night I received an unexpected message on facebook. An apology and acknowledgement I have been waiting for for over 4 years. While I forgave this person years ago, I couldn't help but think of how powerful God is. Last I had heard, there was a lot of denial still happening and I had come to the point where I was content with knowing that even if this person continued to deny it, I had forgiven and know that God is bigger, stronger and all-knowing. The ramifications of what happened will always be there, will always be a part of my life, and I think will always be painful to some extent - but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders hearing the apology and asking for forgiveness. It's a huge testimony to how powerful God is and how important reonciliation between brothers and sisters is. I thank God for all that has happened in my life; the good, the bad and the traumatic because He is shaping me into the woman that He has designed me to be. It's always a process, and while today will be hard because memories were dug up of things that I don't think should have taken place - it serves as a reminder of how great my God is. How powerful He is to bring me up from the lowest and bless me abundantly with a husband who loves, cares for and respects me more than anyone I have ever known, a roof over my head, a functioning car, and more grace, mercy and love than I have ever imagined was possible. I am thankful for the bad things - for they make me appreciate what I have so much more than I ever would have before.

Thank  you God for leading this person to the acknowledgement of sin, repentance, and for seeking reconciliation after 4(ish) years, thank you for giving me Anthony, who has been there for me, supported me, helped me, loved me, blessed me and even spoiled me from day 1, and thank You that through it all I can see Your blessings, Your will, You mercy and Your grace regardless of what the world may say to me.

Heaven

There are times in my life where I have been filled with the most intense, inexpressible joy. It is uncontainable; I overflow. It's as if it pours out of every pore of me, as there is not enough of me to hold it in. And the best part? God blessed me with that joy on earth. Can you imagine finally getting to Heaven; the joy that we will experience? If what I feel now, although only in moments, is indescribable- how much more will it be magnified by my Lord when I am finally there?!

 And if those mere moments of intense, over flowing joy wasn't enough to excite us for Heaven, God has given us a glimpse of Heaven, found in the Bible.

Revelation 4
The Throne in Heaven
After this I looked, and behold, a door standing open in heaven! And the first voice, which I had heard speaking to me like a trumpet, said,  "Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this." At once I was in the Spirit, and behold, a throne stood in heaven, with one seated on the throne. And he who sat there had the appearance of jasper and carnelian, and around the throne was a rainbow that had the appearance of an emerald. Around the throne were twenty-four thrones, and seated on the thrones were twenty-four elders, clothed in white garments, with golden crowns on their heads. From the throne came flashes of lightning, and rumblings and peals of thunder, and before the throne were burning seven torches of fire, which are the seven spirits of God, and before the throne there was as it were a sea of glass, like crystal.
   And around the throne, on each side of the throne, are four living creatures, full of eyes in front and behind:  the first living creature like a lion, the second living creature like an ox, the third living creature with the face of a man, and the fourth living creature like an eagle in flight. And the four living creatures, each of them with six wings, are full of eyes all around and within, and day and night they never cease to say,

    "Holy, holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty,
    who was and is and is to come!"
 And whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to him who is seated on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying,
  "Worthy are you, our Lord and God,
   to receive glory and honor and power,
for you created all things,
   and by your will they existed and were created."



How wonderful will it be when we give glory and honor to God always. It will never cease and there will be no sin to interfere!

MARANATHA!

Growth

I love the days God reveals more and more wisdom and understanding. I love seeing how He is moving in my life, how He is growing me- to have the confirmation that He is working in my life.  To see how God has been working in my life and revealing His truths. Sometimes quickly, sometimes it's a process. To have wisdom, understanding, and discernment in things--in statements that were spoken to me over the past couple of years since coming to Christ. To have the ability and wisdom to see and know more and more the misleading and unbiblical statements that I at first believed because I was a newborn without the knowledge found in the Word,  and trusting of the people proclaiming to follow Christ without using discernment to see if their lives matched up to His Word. I love days like this, where things click and I can see how God has protected me, guided me, and grown me to be more like Christ. Seeking Truth in His Word, instead of solely trusting others without further investigation.
Scriptures tells us that we should examine the Scriptures, and check them against the teachings of others. We should accept teaching that matches up with the Scripture, and correct the teaching of those whose teaching  does not match up. 

Acts 17:10-11 "The brothers immediately sent Paul and Silas away by night to Berea, and when they arrived they went into the Jewish synagogue. 11Now these Jews were more noble than those in Thessalonica; they received the word with all eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily to see if these things were so." (emphasis mine).

Isaiah 34:16 "Seek and read from the book of the Lord:..."


John 5:39 "You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me ,"

Proverbs 9:8 "Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you; reprove a wise man, and he will love you."

2 Timothy 3:16-17 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, 17that the man of God may be competent, equipped  for every good work." (emphasis mine)

Grace

There is no way to fully convey the joy in my heart right now. The overwhelming feeling of love that is most definitely undeserved; especially when you add on the amazing blessings God bestows upon me each and everyday - even though I fail constantly.

As I said in a poem/song I wrote (that is probably not posted due to my insecurities & fears), God's grace absolutely and entirely astounds me. For Him to choose to have someone like me - to desire to have me - just blows my mind. I don't believe that we acknowledge this enough in our lives --- I know I don't. But talking and really thinking about it tonight pretty much blew my mind. To have the knowledge of who I was and see how He has moved in my life and changed me; to know the gospel and to know God and His perfectness and then reflect on the imperfectness of myself then and now - it is incomprehensible that He would choose a sinner like me. That He would grant to me salvation because He loves me; because He wants it. To think about the severity of John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life"- that God would give up His only Son - have Him tortured and crucified on the cross - have Him endure and suffer the wrath of God so that we may be shown grace to glorify Him. I don't know about you, but I know I don't always remember to acknowledge this. I don't always remember that everything I am today has been given to me because of God's grace and has been made possible because of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ long before I was born. As Christians we are nothing without Christ. We owe everything to God who planned everything from the beginning. We deserve death and yet He graciously gives us eternal life - and what do we do with that? Unfortunately, we don't always acknowledge Him in everything, although we should. We let the impact of His grace escape our minds while we indulge ourselves with things that are unimportant. God should be the center of everything. He comes first, because without Him we would be dead.

Eph 2 talks about being made alive in Christ... "As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath. 4But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

It is all through God's grace, His ordination, His perfect plan that those of us who have received the gift of salvation have been saved. (That may have been slightly redundant.)

It's important to keep this in mind, keep it always in our heart and not lose sight of it. He has given me the greatest gift of all, it is my job now to ensure that I am constantly doing all things for His glory; that i never lose sight of this truth although the world will do it's best to try and knock me down. I cannot fully comprehend the enormity of His grace, the amount of love it entails is mind blowing. There is absolutely nothing on this earth that can compare to it. I’m not perfect, and there will be times when I completely fail at this; more times than I’d like to admit- BUT I know that Christ is with me, I know the Spirit will guide me; and when I get stubborn and start thinking that I can do this on my own – He’ll give me a reminder.

1 Corinthians 10:31 "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God."

It's the least we can do.

God's Timing, God's will

It is difficult to see something prayed about consistently appear to go unanswered - but that's just it- "appear". Just because it is unseen does not mean that God isn't working in the situation. Some things just take time, we have all learned that lesson in some way or another. It is difficult from the outside looking in, feeling utterly helpless and wanting to make things better - wanting it to not hurt anymore, but there is no doubt that it's much harder from the inside looking out. There is much we may hope for- things we can do to help, things to say, but in the end it all comes down to God and His timing. Ecclesiastes 3:11 says, "He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." Everything God has done is according to His plan, His purpose and His timing. Nothing can be done apart from God (John 15:5; Proverb 19:21), and nothing can be done before God wills it to be. God has also made men for His eternal purpose- each one designed to fulfill God's will, God’s glory, in some way – God’s will, not our own (Isaiah 43:7).  

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Inspiration?

This is another something that I wrote that got hidden in my documents folder - and as I read it now - I feel the same way as I did when I wrote it...and the poem at the end excited my heart.


Where did my inspiration to write so honestly from the heart go? where did the desire to pour my heart out on paper disappear to? I stumble upon old poems and writings from a time where I was so heart breakingly destroyed and am, surprisingly, filled with joy and wonderment at the evident truth, pain, and desire that just spilled out from my heart. I wonder, will it return? Or did it even leave at all? Have I just stopped tapping into that part of my heart? The part that overflows with raw emotion and an abundance of words to help get me through the rough patches? Or is it that I now have strong relationships with God, my church, my love, my family, my friends that I no longer feel this desire to be heard through paper and pen, since I now actually go to others for the support and help I need when the times arise? hmm...

Here is something I came across tonight while searching for my more scripture based poems/writings. Besides the pure emotion I can read this, the thing I absolutely love about it is that I remember the book I was reading- that one brilliant line- that inspired me to write this immediately...I couldn't even finish the paragraph I was reading at the time. It's a bit repetitive, but that's one of the things I like about it, as many of my poems don't seem to take that turn.

Sinful Eyes
who am i to judge my friend
and condemn him for his lies
when all along You knew it
we all see through sinful eyes
we pick apart the lives of others
not worrying who can see
but when it comes back to us
we just can't let it be
we hurt and break each other
shattered by life's ways
but we don't see ourselves
at the end of a long, hard day

would You be proud of how i acted
when i lashed out just last week
crying over nothing
and feeling rather meek
would You smile at my actions
or my private little thoughts
would You be proud of me today
when i forgot You call the shots

when my sister walked away
and my brother struck my face
i crumpled in the aisle
just filling with disgrace
i know the path i need to take
to continue on and live
but my pride gets in the way
and i need You to forgive
but oh how selfish am i
as i anxiously await the gift
for this feeling in my heart
i just can't seem to lift

so who am i to judge my friend
and condemn him for his lies
when all along You knew it
we all see through sinful eyes
we pick apart the lives of others
not worrying who can see
but when it comes back to us
we just can't let it be
we hurt and break each other
shattered by life's way
but we don't see ourselves
at the end of a long hard day


would You be proud of how i acted
when my friend did stab my back
or when my faith was questioned
i only showed them slack
when my heart was full and joyous
praise and glory You received
but when the trials hit me
i quickly became deceived

when my sister walked away
and my brother struck my face
i did not turn to You for help
instead i left Your grace
i want Your path of light again
to love with You and walk
i know that i have sinned
and i think we need to talk
so hear my prayer tonight, oh Lord
we're all broken from the start
but i need You here in my life
please enter into my heart
'cause i'm only human bound for death
to live a life encased in sin
but You have called me to Your name
my heart, yes, You did win


who am i to judge my friend
and condemn him for his lies
when all along You knew it
we all see through sinful eyes
help me to forgive the hurt
and all the enduring pain
for when i learn to do that
a new love i will gain
who am i to judge my friend
and condemn him for his lies
when all along You knew it
we all see through sinful eyes

On Modesty...

I can't presently sleep so I've decided to go through a bunch of old writings I have done in the past. The following was written June 10, 2010 - and while I could easily change a few things or go into detail about others, I'm leaving it exactly as it was written then.

I suppose I'll start this off with I usually wear layers - so when I ended up getting my outermost shirt pretty wet from a mishap with a sink today, it was pretty easy to just take that one off...I still had a mostly dry tank top underneath. All I had to do was wait till I got to Rite Aid to get the keys to the car that was carrying my luggage. I had already made the obvious decision that I needed something more than just my tank top, and that was affirmed in a quick exchange with a new and dear friend on the way to the car. Unknowingly, his quick affirmation set my mind to a million different places - the most dominant in regards to modest dress among women in today's society as well as glorifying God and preservation for a future husband (God willing), as well as a project of letters one of my good friends is working on.

I have come to the realization in regards to modesty with clothing, and for that I am eternally grateful to God and one of my friends. :)
Growing up in South Orange County, not in a Christian home, I learned very quickly that in our fallen, corrupt world clothing is not worn to cover nakedness, rather to push the limits on how much we can expose. I remember in 4th grade my teacher called a meeting with the girls of our class to discuss appropriate attire for elementary school - shirts that exposed the tummy and shorts or skirts that were shorter than your finger tips could reach were a.no-go. My friend Ry and I were the main violators that caused this talk... I don't think either of us wore long enough shirts or bottoms up until that time (and we tried to push the limits even after). What does this say about our society, that a talk about appropriate dress was required among 4th graders?!? Keep in mind, this was also during the time Clueless and the Spice Girls were majorly popular. Society teaches us at a young age (too young of an age) that in order for a female to be successful and considered beautiful they must resort to sex appeal, not intelligence, heart/who she really is. and so low self esteem and body image issues arise. Girls turn to Cosmo and eating disorders and, at times, dumbing themselves down. But does any of that quench our deeper thirst to know we are a part of something bigger? That we're significant and contributing positively to something much bigger than us? No.

The Bible teaches us what a woman's role is and how she should behave - this is nowhere near society's viewpoint of objectifying and degrading women.

Proverbs 31 describes a worthy woman. In verse 22 it tells us "she makes coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple." She is not dressed in something revealing or trashy, rather she is COVERED in FINE LINENS. She is rewarded for her efforts to honor God and others and is dressed in a manner that displays that honor. She is covered  which is honoring to God, others and herself. In verse 25 it says, "strength and dignity are her clothing..." Would a strong and dignified woman in heart clothe her body in something undignified; iIn something that would provoke impure thoughts or cause others to look upon her with shame or disgust? No she wouldn't.

As a woman seeking sanctification, it is most important to destroy the world's view of how a woman should dress and act and focus on what is glorifying to God.

"Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

Let's focus on the "whatever you do" part. Whether we eat, drink, dress, think, speak, act - whatever we do - everything we do-- we must do it in order to bring glory and honor to God, the King of the universe.
As John MacArthur put it, "Christian liberty, as well as the most common behavior, is to be conducted to the honor of God."

"'I will vindicate the holiness of My great name which has been profaned among the nations, which you have profaned in their midst. Then the nations will know that I am the Lord,' declares the Lord God,'when I prove Myself holy among you in their sight.'" Ezekial 36:23

Wedding Bells!

     On Sunday, I was blessed to be able to attend the marriage of two people who mean a great deal to me: Jon & Katie. Jon took Tony and me through our premarital counseling and more importantly performed our ceremony and married us over a year ago & Katie has been my friend for a few years now and has always been able to give me sound advice and a good laugh.
    Sadly, I left my camera in the car, so the only photos I have are on my phone and it's a bit difficult to get them off my phone. But here are a few I was able to get, thanks to my sister emailing them to me after I texted them to her. She's pretty awesome like that.

 

\

  It was honestly the most beautiful wedding I have been too and the most anticipated wedding too! Katie was the most beautiful bride & I have never seen PJ that happy or goofy! My heart just overflows with joy for them and I am so excited to see how God uses them!

Beautiful Prayer

Right now, I should be up and jumping around my living room to a very cheesey Dancercise video. But, it's a bit chilly in the house with the exception of the little spot of bed I am taking up, so that's where I am. I was reading a block by Tiffany Myers, a woman who's blog I stumble upon due to the fact that I think her sister is a hilarious and very talented Make Up Artist (Kandee Johnso), and I loved the prayer that she posted by someone I've never heard of.

Prayer of Saint Francis of Assisi
"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen"

I know nothing of Saint Francis of Assisi, I don't even know what Assisi is. But this prayer is beautiful and reflects so much of the hearts of my family and friends as well as my own. It seems so simple as I read it and it's so close to my heart, I wonder why I haven't been able to articulate similar prayers in that way. I know I pray someone of that daily, but I need God's help in all of it; I cannot do it alone. So as you read this dear brothers & sisters, I hope that it is a blessing to you.

And you should really check out her blog: www.hugelove.blogspot.com. It's a good read and has been a blessing to my love.

huge love & blessings,
S

Heart & the Gospel

My heart breaks as I read Facebook posts of old friends who used to be dear to me, but we have since lost touch --though we are still "friends" via the interwebs. There is so much heartbreak in their posts - so much anger towards the world and towards God - that's what breaks my heart the most. If someone is angry towards both God and the world, what is left? This is important! My heart breaks for the those who have not found Christ and even more, those non-Christians who have been hurt by Christians AND/OR  led down the wrong path/deceived about the gospel and the reality of the Christian faith.  If you're not a believer and you've read this far, I ask you & I beg you to continute to read the rest of this post before writing it off.

I want to share with you who the God of the Bible really is, who Jesus is, who I am and everyone else is as a sinner, and why you (and most definitely myself) need a Savior and the Gospel. Again, I ask you to please read this with an open mind and heart.  [[Or you can watch the video here: www.sharetheumbrella.com/ ]]

So let's start. Who is the God of the Bible?

God is our Creator. The first verse of the Bible says. 'In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.'(Genesis 1:1). The Bible teaches that God created everything that is, including you and me. The implications of this truth are huge. If God made us, then He is ultimately in charge! He owns us and we are responsible to Him. He retains full rights over us as the Designer and Creator of human life. The Bible tells us that people were created in God's image to enjoy a perfect relationship with Him and with each other. God intended and designed the ultimate in quality and quantity of life for the people He had made. Part of this ultimate relationship between God and His people included His desire to have men and women choose to love and serve Him for who He is willingly and freely.

God is Holy. First Peter 1:16 tells us that God is holy. That means that God is perfect. That verse also tells us that God requires that people be holy too. Unfortunately, from the very beginning the people that God made chose to use their freedom to please themselves instead of obeying God and being holy. The Bible calls this sin. Because people chose to sin they forfeited their priviledged position and their ultimate relationship with God ended. The Bible teaches that everybody born since Adam and Eve were born into a state of separation from God. Sin created a barrier that ruined what should have been a prefect relationship.

God is Just. The Bible also tells us that God is just. Because He is perfectly just He cannot overlook sin. Accoring to passages like 2 Thessalonians 1:8-9 God promises to punish sin severely. Though his kindness prevails for now, the Bible is clear that there will come a time when each person will stand before God and payment for sins will be required. That's what hell is all about. It is the place away from God's kindness where people will pay for the sins they have committed.

God is loving. Thankfully, the Bible also tells us that God is loving (1 John 4:8). In His love for sinful and separated people God has provided a solution - a way out for people who otherwise would have no hope! This is the "good news". Much like an umbrella God has provided Jesus, His own Son - God in human form - who has endured the punishment that we deserve so that we won't have to. As God, Jesus lived the perfect life for us as well as incurring the wrath of God for us while dying on the cross (2 Corinthians 5:21). Because the umbrella is rained on (because God is just) there is a place beneath it that isn't - so it is with Christ! After living teh life we needed and dying the death we deserved (because we are sinful), Jesus rose from the dead to prove to the world that sin and the penalty for sin had been adequately dealt with.

Repentance and Faith. What Jesus has done is definitely good news, but it does not do us any good until we respond to it the way that God requires. Though many believe that amassing a lifetime of good deeds will somehow earn God's favor and forgiveness, to the contrary, the Bible says that we can acquire God's favor and forgiveness right this moment by repenting of our sins and placing our trust in Christ (Acts 20:21). If today you would choose to turn from your sins (1 Thessalonians 1:9), and trust completely in what Jesus has done for you (Philippians 3:9), then God's Spirit will place you "in Christ"' guaranteed to never incur the punishment your sins deserve. Are you ready to that right now? If so, express to God your desire to be "in Christ," tell Him you right now turn from your sin and you are placing your trust in what Jesus has done to save you from God's wrath.



And so I leave you with this: Jesus Christ is the Father's one and only Son. He humbled Himself and took on the form of man to live a perfect life we could not live in order to be a perfect sacrifice to God, in order that our sin would be paid for so we can have a relationship with God the Father and enter into His kingdom when He calls us home.

He has a plan far bigger than we can see; because God is sovereign, what we see as bad is often a part of His good & perfect plan - even though we cannot see it immediately.

Please, if you have any questions about this leave me a message, and know that I am praying for you!.

http://www.sharetheumbrella.com/
Please.

God's Lessons

God is teaching me a lot about myself since coming to Arizona. I'm learning that I doubt myself a lot, but that there is no reason to because I am fully and completley, 100%, without a doubt accepted by God because of Christ Jesus. I'm learning that I'm a lot more willing that I thought I was. I'm learning that I'm a lot more sure of myself than I thought I was, though I still have moments of doubt. I'm learning that no matter what life does, I trust God in all things - but this is the most complicated thing, though it should be most simple.
There is a particular heart burden than I have, though I know where it comes from, I can't help but feel it on my heart pretty much daily for the past few years. It's a touchy thing, but in my most rational moments I am completely ok. I'm completely trusting. I'm completely patient. I'm completely content. I'm completely blessed. I am so thankful for this burden, but at the same time it tends towards heart break. And it is with burdens like these that I am SO SO SO thankful for the promises God gives us, for His Word and the free access I have to it, for His salvation that comes through Christ Jesus - who became sin, though He knew no sin to be crushed and crucified because of my wretched sins so that He could defeat death by being resurrected, so that I could have the great blessing of eternal life, for verses like Romans 8:18 just because it has always comforted my soul, for godly examples of people in my life, and for music like Laura Story's "Blessings"....

"We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe
'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise"

Sickness & Sin

    You know what I hate about sickness? The fact that something has infltrated my healthy body and has made the entire thing unhealthy - and I could have avoided it had I been willing to listen to the signs I saw on Sunday. But that's a lot like sin, isn't it? It can be avoided if only wer are willing.
     God created us in His perfect image and He created a world that was "good" (Genesis 1:4, 10, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31). Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them."  So here we have a "good world" and man that is created in God's perfect image, which is "very good".
     And then along comes sin, the diliberate disobedience to the known will of God (thefreedictionary.com). In Genesis 2:16-17 is reads, "And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, "You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of he knowledge of good and evil you sall not eat, for in the day tha you eat of it you shall surely die." God's will for Adam was to not eat of that particular tree - enter sin. The serpent came on the scene and tempted Eve by making her doubt God's will, though He had been very clear. It could have been avoided, had she taken the proper steps, had she stuck to her guns. Eve's initial response the serpent was "We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, 'You shall not eat of the gruit of the tree that is  he midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die'" (Genesis 3:2-3). Her initial response suggests that she was willing to be obedient, but the serpent keeps on her and quickly tempts her to disobey God's will. It started out as the smallest hint of doubt and deception and it has infiltrated EVERY aspect of our lives ever sinc. This sickness started out as the smallest hint that something wasn't right, when my voice started going after 1 worship set, and I chose to wave it off like no big deal, similar to Eve wavig off the LORD's warning.
     Life would be so much easier if we would just heed the warnings at the beginning and obey God, but it's not always that easy.

Proverbs 31:10 and an Exceeding Amount of Grace!

"An excellent wife who can find?
She is far more precious than jewels."

-Proverbs 31:10

     This verse is amazing in my life, and not amazing in the sense that is used today to describe something cool, but amazing in the sense that it is startlingly impressive- Amazing in the strongest form there is. An excellent wife is a challenge, an exceedingly difficult woman to find. In one verions I have, the word rare  is used instead of precious. She is more rare than jewels - and please keep in mind the time of which this was written. They couldn't go to the store and find a diamond ring or a ruby necklace - the people of that time had to search hard and work hard to find them. They were not easily accessible, they were not easy to find. It was a challenge. On top of that, jewels were not things that were just tossed around willy-nilly. They were kept well; cherished; they were precious and treated as such. An excellent wife is rare & precious. She was rare in Old Testament times, how much more rare is she today?

    I have to admit, when Tony tells me that I'm an excellent wife I feel like he's being cheated in some way. The definition of excellent  is: possessing outstanding quality or superior merit; remarkably good; extremely good; extraordinary; superior. These are things I often do not believe of myself. Extremely good?  Psalms 14:3 & 53:3 say "...there is none who does good, not even one". In Mark 10 verse 18 Jesus makes the same claim, though stated differently as a response to a man seeking eternal life, "And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call me good? No one is good except God alone." I often times feel far from the Proverbs 31 woman, let alone an "excellent wife. I don't alawys have the best attitude, my mind gets distracted with plans of the future - our plans of 'grandeur', I don't keep the house sparkly clean, I forget to plan/make dinner, I can be high maintenance and difficult, I'm not always motivated to serve my husband how I am called to by God. I have this idea of what an "excellent wife" should be, partly guided from Proverbs 31, partly guided by my ideas of perfectionism. I am no where near what an "excellent wife" should be. But, what a beautiful act of grace to my life! Despite all my imperfections and the fact that I fall short of my version of the excellent wife, my wonderful, amazing, loving Hubster stills sees me that way. He looks at me and sees past my faults, sees through my insecurities and sees a Proverbs 31 woman. In that, I have hope that I can be the woman God has created me to be, I can be the wife He has created to me, and (Lord willing), I'll be able to be the mommy He created me to be.  And even more, in that one act of grace from my Hubster, I know God better - God sees past my imperfections, my short comings, my struggles, my sinfulness - He looks at me and sees Christ's righteousness as my own. He sees me the way He created me to be and the way I cannot fully be until the day Christ returns and I am with my Father in Heaven. Oh precious is this grace!