It's been a long time since I've written anything, but I've realized that I have a lot on my mind lately and I should write. I contemplated making a different blog where I would be 100% anonymous, but I realized that's a lot of effort I'm not interested in putting forth right now. 😛
This will most likely be random and all of my thoughts right now. If you're reading this, you've been warned.
I'm 14 weeks pregnant with our second precious baby and I've realized I'm more terrified of this pregnancy than my last. I had 2 miscarriages before I had our daughter and I wasn't monitored properly and then there were complications and she came early. And now we're here. 3-4 ultrasounds and 18-20 vials of blood (because I stopped keeping count) and we know a handful of information. My progesterone dropped drastically in 2 days so I've been on progesterone pills for 10 weeks and will be switching to weekly injections soon. Our baby has a heartbeat and js growing! Woohoo! And I have Factor V Leiden with a possibility of having to have daily injections for that. And then my doctor informed me today that there's a chance I may have the baby at the beginning of August instead of the end of September. And, if I'm quite honest, I'm terrfied. I'm terrified of complications and losing another baby. I'm terrified of complications and have another preemie baby. I'm terrified of having to give myself daily shots if it comes to that. I'm terrified of the prospect of another NICU baby and I'm terrified of bringing home a newborn after 2 days in the hospital (you know, how the majority of the US gets to go home with their baby after a quick stay in the hospital). And I'm excited. I'm excited to bring another new blessing into our family and our world. And I wish I was better at holding onto that excitement...onto that joy, and yet I find myself scared, tired, overwhelmed and sick. I'm still excited, but I don't feel like I have the luxury of being completely excited and I don't really think I know how to deal with that.
