Inconvenient

This was probably one of the most inconvenient weeks to get sick. SO much to do, and I'm stuck on the couch because being vertical is not really an option. blech. hopefully it's a 24 hour thing and is gone by tonight! Here's to hoping!

Checkk check Check Check it ooooouuuutttt.

[[the title is a result of not enough sleep/too much sugar/have you ever met me?]]


Anyways - I have decided to start a second blog with little updates and what nots with my makeup artistry business so check it out----> here!

Moving

     One of the things I love to do is to reflect on where I've been and where God has me now. Where I've been has not been pretty or easy, but it amazes me to see how God has worked in and through me in big ways. We are currently in the process of getting ready to move next week (and by process, I mean we're thinking about packing haha....). Moving and boxes and chaos have never been easy for me to handle. I get overwhelmed and have anxiety attacks (sometimes); I just can't stand the thought of "oh, it's just one more temporary place to live". It floods me with the memory of so many bad decisions and difficult patches of my life - but not this time; and not last time. I admit that when I moved into our first apartment, it took me awhile because I flat out refused to put anything in a box. I had lived out of boxes too long and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. So as the weeks led up to our wedding, I would slowly bring over a backpack full of stuff and put it away before I left for the night. When we moved from CA to AZ, we had to put things in boxes - but it didn't bother me so much. I got overwhelmed towards the end, but probably because I'm type A and there just wasn't any logic to the remaining little nick nacks left to be packed. For the most part, I was peaceful about moving, I was excited about it, and I saw God in it everywhere. He kept me calm; He gave me new eyes to see with; He gave me the ability to see that moving and packing and boxes and all of it, while it was still to a "temporary" home, it's good. It doesn't have to mean that I'll be moving in another few months; it doesn't have to mean it's just another place to get buy. So now, as my husband and I get ready to move for the second time in our marriage - I'm excited because it doesn't have to be the way it was; it's going to be the best we can make it because we're in this together - hand in hand, heart in heart. Moving is no longer something to do just to get by another month or so; this will be my 15th? 16th? (I've lost count) move since I was 17; but it's better, because A is with me.  I will probably get overwhelmed because I'm still learning to handle commotion - but it will still be good. God is with me.

On my mind.

(*This probably didn't come out exactly as I planned; my apologies.)     I've been meaning to write this post for awhile now and since bunny is ignoring me, I should take advantage of that. I recently had a conversation with a person who told me that it doesn't matter what is said or done, because (s)he's a Christian and is going to Heaven regardless. It broke my heart. On the one hand, yes it is true. If you are covered in the blood of Christ, meaning if you have acknowledged your wretchedness and Jesus' holiness and your need for a Savior and have repented of your sins and put your faith in Christ and His sacrifice on the cross for you - then yes, you are going to Heaven regardless of what you do becuase of the radical grace, love and mercy God has shown you. Ephesians 2:8-10 states " For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." There is nothing you or I or anyone else to can do to earn salvation and we can't lose it either. We do not serve a fickle God. He is constant; steadfast; unchanging. (Malachi 3:6 "For I, the Lord, do not change...; Hebrews 13:8 " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.")
     However, we are called to be holy; to be set apart. We are called to be imitators of Christ. Jesus has given us this beautiful, priceless gift for FREE, so shouldn't we respond in a way that shows our appreciation for that? He has granted us eternal life, shouldn't we at least try to obey what He wants out of a deep love and respect of what He did for our wretchedness? We so despereately deserve Hell, yet He died for us to give us Heaven. Shouldn't there be a seperation from the world, after all - Jesus was not of the world and since His life covers ours then we have been graciously given the same thing. So shouldn't our lives reflect Heaven?  In Matthew 7:16-20, Jesus says " You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits."
    What we do matters. It doesn't matter in regards to us getting into Heaven, but it matters as our witness for Christ to non-believers. How are we supposed to shine light on the world if we're acting in the darkness? How do we show others Christ's love when we're gossiping or slandering or betraying or belittling or or or....? Shouldn't we be different? Shouldn't our lives reflect Christ? Shouldn't they? The radical grace God has given to us as a free gift should not be taken advantage of to sin or be viewed as something we need to work to keep or repay out of feeling guilty. He gave us a radical gift of grace so that we could live FOR Him. How are we living FOR Him if we're going against what He wants for us?
    The default mode of our hearts is self-righteousness. The gospel says that we're free in Christ because of what HE did and not anythign that we did. The gospel is Jesus on the cross - Jesus on the cross for my sins; for your sins - so that I may have a right relationship with God. It's not Jesus + all of the things I do to look good. It's Jesus. It's Jesus alone. The fact that I did nothing should shape how I feel about Jesus. He paid it ALL. I should show Him respect and do my best to obey Him and not purposely do or say something that would show Christ in a negative light. If I am purposely doing something to hurt another person because I'm upset with them; that is NOT Christ in me, but sin in me.
    I'm not saying that we HAVE to follow His commands because He died for us. This is not a works righteousness religion. There's a balance between legalism and antinomianism. (Legalism: excessive adherance to the law; Dependence on moral law rather than on personal faith; doing everything to the letter of the law to earn your place. Antinomianism: the flagrant disregard for God's commands.) We follow God's commands because we LOVE Him; just as I do my best to keep the house clean because I love my husband and it makes him happy. We should rest in God's grace, but not take advantage of it.
 The radical grace God has given to us as a free gift should not be taken advantage of to sin or be viewed as something we need to work to keep or repay out of feeling guilty.



(i didn't proof read this. sorry)

Healing

     Last night I received an unexpected message on facebook. An apology and acknowledgement I have been waiting for for over 4 years. While I forgave this person years ago, I couldn't help but think of how powerful God is. Last I had heard, there was a lot of denial still happening and I had come to the point where I was content with knowing that even if this person continued to deny it, I had forgiven and know that God is bigger, stronger and all-knowing. The ramifications of what happened will always be there, will always be a part of my life, and I think will always be painful to some extent - but I felt a weight lift off my shoulders hearing the apology and asking for forgiveness. It's a huge testimony to how powerful God is and how important reonciliation between brothers and sisters is. I thank God for all that has happened in my life; the good, the bad and the traumatic because He is shaping me into the woman that He has designed me to be. It's always a process, and while today will be hard because memories were dug up of things that I don't think should have taken place - it serves as a reminder of how great my God is. How powerful He is to bring me up from the lowest and bless me abundantly with a husband who loves, cares for and respects me more than anyone I have ever known, a roof over my head, a functioning car, and more grace, mercy and love than I have ever imagined was possible. I am thankful for the bad things - for they make me appreciate what I have so much more than I ever would have before.

Thank  you God for leading this person to the acknowledgement of sin, repentance, and for seeking reconciliation after 4(ish) years, thank you for giving me Anthony, who has been there for me, supported me, helped me, loved me, blessed me and even spoiled me from day 1, and thank You that through it all I can see Your blessings, Your will, You mercy and Your grace regardless of what the world may say to me.