House Hunting Lessons

     I, once again, cannot sleep. I can't wait for it to be a little bit later today where my hubby will FINALLY be back home to me - but for now I will endure one more almost sleepless night. I'm glad that I haven't been able to fall asleep though. It has given me time to lay here in our bed and reflect on the lessons of today and I am grateful.

     You see, the thing is that I know my weaknesses and my shortcomings, but God knows them better. I haven't been able to keep my mind off of this one thing (difficult submission) since we started house hunting. House hunting is scary and it's new and it's fun and it's stressful and it's so many things. But I am constantly reminded of how much I fail as a biblical wife (by my own convictions) and how much God is using this to teach me and to grow me. You see, when we first moved out here to the 'Zona, things were difficult and I wanted things to go my way - but God was growing me. He lead to me to talk to my dear friend, Shawna, and we got on the topic of being a biblical wife, what it means, and the consequence of Eve's disobedience (sin) to God when she ate from the forbidden fruit. Genesis 3:16 speaks of this consequence: 

"To the woman he said,

'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing;
     in pain you shall bring forth children.
Your desire shall be for your husband,
    and he shall rule over you.'"

     When God says that her "desire shall be for [her] husband, and he shall rule over [her]", he means that while she was created to live in harmony with her husband and submit to his headship (Ephesians 5: 22-24), she would desire to be the one in control. John MacArthur's study bible explains it like this:

"...Just as the woman and her seed will engage in a war with the serpent, i.e., Satan and his see (Gen 3:15), because of sin and the curse, the man and the woman will face struggle in their relationship. Sin has turned the harmonious system of God-ordained roles into distasteful struggles of self-will. Lifelong companions, husbands and wives, will need God's help in getting along as a result. The woman's desire will be to lord it over her husband, but the husband will rule by divine design (Ephesians 5:22-25). This interpretation of the curse is based upon the identical Hebrew words and grammar being used in Genesis 4:7 to show the conflict man will have with sin as it seeks to rule him."

  During my conversation many months ago, Shawna explained to me that as a wife, I need to submit to my husband's decisions as long as they don't go against the bible - even if I'm not 100% on board because God placed him as the head of our family for a reason. No where in the bible does it say "Wives submit to your husbands unless it displeases you." You can look, but you won't find it. 
     Throughout this house hunting process (from beginning to talk about it to actually getting connected to a realtor), I can't help but think that even when it gets hard - and it will because buying a house is a HUGE decision, I am going to learn how to better submit to my husband's decisions. I wish I was better at it, but the truth is I am a sinful, selfish person, I prefer the known to the unknown and I think I should get my way - not because I deserve it or because my way is better - but because it's my way. You see, the truth is - I'm a very sinful person...and that sucks. But there's good news - VERY good news.
     When Jesus died on the cross for my sins, He sent the Holy Spirit to guide His children. When I gave my life to Christ, the Holy Spirit entered into my life to help guide me through this life. So tonight - I rejoice that God was with me and the Spirit was guiding me.
     I know my husband wants only the best for our family and that he is going to do everything he possibly can to make the best decision through prayer and research and today we found out that we are talking with the seller of a house - they haven't accepted an offer, but they are willing to talk with us. Today we signed a counter offer, I got excited and then the Hubs called.
     There's another house that came up in our portal that he really wants to look at, but they're not accepting offers yet and it needs a little more love, but he wants to look. I'd be lying to say that my heart didn't break - but I am confident that God will lead us to the right house, I am confident that He is growing me to be a better wife and I am confident in my husband. As we discussed not submitting the counter offer, I did my best to not let the tears fall and I did my best to cling to the confidence that God has a much better plan. The tears fell, but I am still confident God has this all under control. And all I could think of was Shawna mentoring me all those months ago, saying, "There will come a time when your husband will make a decision you don't like, but it won't be unbiblical and you are going to have to submit because that is what God has called you to do." I heard that repeated to me tonight, I took a deep breath, tried to swallow my tears and my selfish desires to have a house --this house-- and I did what God wants me to do because I love my husband and because I trust him with every ounce of my being. In that moment, even though I felt like "our" house was getting taken away (which is just silly because we don't have a house), I had to step up to the plate and do the right thing. It's not always easy to do the right thing, but it's always worth it and God will ALWAYS work it out.

     And here's the amazing thing - I learned a lesson (hopefully I won't forget it too quickly) and God was able to provide a compromise on the situation that eased both of our hearts. We know that God is working through this, and ladies, submission is rarely easy thanks to sin but it's worth it because that's what God ordained. Let's be honest, submission sucks when we think we know better (and let's face it, we don't- but God does) or when it goes against what we want. I knew from the start of this adventure that God would grow us, because this is so much bigger than anything I think we've ever had to face (well, besides marriage) and we need God to guide us. I think I knew that I would have to let go of what I think my dream house is and trust that my husband is doing exactly what God wants him to do. I think I knew that God was preparing me for this because it's been on my heart since we walked into the house - but even though I think I knew, it was still hard - but I think this is just SO big that it's SO evident we need God to help us find the best house for us and I can't be stubborn and selfish with that. I can't just say 'No, I want this house and we're so close to getting it that we have to move forward". I really suck at the whole submission to my husband thing - but it was absolutely amazing to see God work through it and to see that He had a compromise already planned out that eased both of our hearts on the situation - and all it took was me being obedient to God.

     I know that there are going to be more occasions in our marriage where I will have to submit to my wonderful husband's leadership even though my pride wants something else and I'm positive that they will be on more difficult things as well. Sometimes the outcome will seem favorable and sometimes it will be difficult, but God is using EVERY circumstance, situation, obstacle, etc. for His good and perfect plan and we will learn something from it every time. God - please continue to guide me in being submissive to my husband's decision and remind me You have a better plan and that You're using my husband and his decisions in that better plan. And I pray that You will guide every woman in submitting to Your plan and the roles that You have given us as women and as wives.

     And what's even more, God amazed me more - in that I was writing this and marveling at God's amazing grace and work in my life and how much He blesses when we are obedient, I received a message from a friend thanking me for being an example of difficult submission. This friend witnessed the conversation; witnessed me trying to not cry, trying to not let my voice break, trying to be strong as my hope in a house I think I'm in love with wavered - and I am thankful that God was with me. I am thankful that God kept me strong. I am thankful that God taught me a lesson and I am thankful that He chose me to be an example for someone - me! Wretched me who tends to cry when things don't go my way because I'm way too selfish. I am blown away that God thought me worthy to be used. Words alone cannot describe how amazed I am that He loves me so much He used me. Blown away at the greatness of the cross. Blown away at the greatness of Jesus. Blown away at the loving leadership of my husband. Blown away by God's blessings. Blown away to the point of joyful tears. God is so amazing, I'm not worthy but He makes me so. I am nothing, but He makes me something.

So maybe this my "dream" house will become our real house and maybe it won't. Either way, God is with us and He has a plan. He knows what house is ours and when we will get it - and even if it takes years and years and years for us to get a house (oh, please don't let it take too long!), I am thankful that He taught me something and I am grateful for His presence in our marriage.


And I can not wait to see this man tomorrow (well, I suppose now it's today)!

love & heart full of joy & hope,
     Sara